Sending your child to college - It's okay to cry!

Sending Your Child to College - It’s okay to Cry!

By Julie A. Lind

Sending your child to college is one of the most joyful times in your life, right? We know it should be. Everyone expects us to smile because our child is going to college, woo-hoo! "Congratulations!" they pat us on the back.

So, if it's such a wonderful milestone, why are we so depressed? Why can’t we stop crying? Why do we feel like we are repeatedly getting punched in the gut?

Our job as a parent has always been to watch over our child to make sure they are safe. We always knew where our child was, who they were with, and when they would be home, every second of every day. If we didn't like what they were doing, we had the power to step in and change it.

Now we have no idea what they are doing, who their friends are, if they are eating well, if they are happy, or even if they are safe.

Going from having complete control to no control is tough.

I knew dropping my son off at college was going to be hard. And it was. I tell other parents, "If you think Kindergarten is hard, wait until college!" I can still see him standing in the college parking lot waving as we drove off.

I was able to hold back my tears only because I had mentally prepared myself for that moment. What I wasn't prepared for was the depression that kicked in days later.

Little things would cause me to spiral downward. There was the empty chair at the dinner table, the grocery list without his favorite foods, the bedroom that never changed, watching his favorite tv shows without him, his school bus stopping at his bus stop, the empty car stall, and, worst of all, the absence of laughter in our house.

It was like I was grieving for someone who hadn't even died. It didn't feel right to tell friends I was depressed because college is supposed to be a joyful experience, not a depressing one. I became withdrawn and my health deteriorated. I went from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was wrong with me. For the longest time they couldn't find anything wrong.

At the end of my son's Freshman year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I honestly believe my grief had something to do with my body's inability to fight off disease.

One mom told me she developed a rare skin disease that caused her whole body to itch. It was so bad she couldn't even sleep at night. I doubt it was a coincidence that her daughter had just left home for college.

A dad told me he developed digestive troubles after his daughter went to college. He had no idea he would miss his daughter so much.

Another mom admitted her whole social life had surrounded around her child's sporting events. Now she sits alone every night gaining weight while watching television.

Our bodies have a way of telling us something is wrong even if our brains refuse to acknowledge it.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have been kinder to myself. I would have said it was okay to cry. I would have acknowledged the emotional pain and gotten professional help to work through it. I would do little things to pamper myself. I would call friends to go out and have fun. I would seek out other parents to help each other through the emotional stages of letting go. I would develop new hobbies. I would focus on ME for the first time since being a mom.

Our job as parents is to raise independent children. When your child goes to college you have successfully completed your job. You have to learn to let go, both physically and emotionally. Now it's time to focus on your own life and your own needs. Congratulations, on a job well done.